Let’s quickly knock out some things that might be obstacles for us to knock out other things.
- I never physically assaulted your mother, or anyone else for that matter.
- I have never sexually assaulted you or anyone else. Never. Not even a little, not even oops. Nothing.
- I never stopped trying to see you. The years you had no contact with me, I still went to court many times in an attempt to re-establish contact. It wasn’t until your mother was granted a domestic violence order on your behalf that I stopped trying. I then followed the letter of the law and waited for that to end and here I am still trying.
- I have never been convicted or even indicted of any crime. Look it up, search it out. Background checks are easy and relatively cheap. Search me all you want. I have not gotten away with countless crimes because I live in a small town. That is so ridiculous to say. I don’t have any family in law enforcement and our town isn’t that small. No one would hide a pedophile in an elementary school as a town and think it was a great idea.
Now, you might be saying to yourself, self, this is different than what I have been told…or even self, this is different than what I believe. Well I am telling you here and now that all of the above bullets are true. I will place my hand on a Bible and swear to it. So, if someone has told you something different than what those bulleted things say, they have deliberately lied to you. They chose to tell you something that was not true to manipulate you. That is simple and easy to understand. Make your peace with that. Do what you will with it. It is impossible for you to believe I am capable of being your dad and doing what is best for you and also believing any of those bullets are false. I absolutely am not perfect, not implying that I am, but I am saying unequivocally that the above bullets are absolutely true. This is a big deal for me. So if you can’t agree to those 4 bullets above as being true, well I hope you have a wonderful and prosperous life, but there isn’t much else I can do for you but pray for your safety and well being.
Now I guess I could take some time and explain and try to convince you of the above bullets. I can give you some memories and milestones to help you see the truth, but at the end of the day you are going to have to choose. I have never said that to you, not the whole time you were children did I try to make you choose between the different versions of reality that you were told. I just didn’t feel that is was right to do that to a child, however, you aren’t children anymore, and when it comes to the truth and a lie, well you have to choose. It is impossible to believe both. The statements, “I sexually abused you” and, “I never sexually abused you”, cannot co-exist. You can’t find a middle between them because there is no middle. To say that I did it a little, or some and then stopped is the same as saying that I did it. I either did it or I didn’t. I am telling you, with no doubt, with no gray area, with no explanation of a weird event…I never did ANYTHING to you or near you that would even resemble sexual abuse. Never. That is the truth. All of those bullets above are the truth. Within the court paperwork there are lies that are attributed to you. There are things in there that you supposedly said, that I’m not sure you would say. Maybe you did, if so, then I am greatly disappointed at your dishonesty. You were told, before you went on that skype and asked to stay with me, that if it came down to court you would be asked again to lie. You knew this was coming. We had discussed it for years. And when the time came, it appears you lied again. You’re not 4 anymore. How am I supposed to process the lies that were told about me, that were attributed to you? These were so much more sinister, so much more damaging than any other lie that could be told.
You know what, I never knew what love was, until the day I first saw you. Since that day, I have dedicated the greater part of my life, my career path, my finances and my time to try to be with you, to love you and to give you what you needed to be happy and well-adjusted. Even now, I write and rewrite this countless times hoping you will read it and know that you are loved so so much. I am not mad at you girls, I am hurt and disappointed. I am your father, and I love you unconditionally. That will never change. But you have a great deal of explaining to do if the words attributed to you in the court paperwork are in fact yours.
The lies told placed me in a very difficult position. I had to share all of this information at my workplace, my board and the school attorney had to be involved. It was not only embarrassing because it was completely untrue and I had to still talk about it and defend myself…but I also had to acknowledge that my own children, the girls everyone knew I was over the moon for and sacrificed everything for, were helping make things worse. I had to retain another attorney here, I was investigated by the state police and ultimately it was brought in front of a jury who saw through the lies and produced a “No True Bill”. I basically had to be relieved that everyone knew my children were liars. Our lives and reputations were laid bare for the community to examine. I don’t think you concocted this venomous fabrication yourself, but you definitely played your part. It was also designed in such a way that you two would have taken the fall if I had forced you to go to court and revealed the lies through cross examination. If this had gone to any type of formal proceeding, my attorney would have had to prove through cross examination that it was all made up and convoluted at your expense. Why do you think I didn’t contest the DVO? Because I knew you would have to testify…and I didn’t want you to go through that. You either had to lie and watch what happened to me, or tell the truth and face the consequences when you got home. I did the only thing I could do to protect you from a distance. And I lost another year with you and now here we are as more time ticks by.
You were used my children. I’m sure it was easier to get along, but at what cost? If you indeed said what has been alleged that you said, well you helped jeopardize my future, my career and my freedom. I did not deserve that. You grandparents did not deserve that either. They have done nothing but love you and sacrifice their futures and retirement to attempt to keep you safe only to watch their son go through false accusations, supposedly from you? You’ve never called them, not during all this time. There was never an order that said you couldn’t contact them. They gave you everything they could, and now they just hope that you come to your senses before they pass away, so they might can see you again and know you are okay. That breaks my heart for them.
I guess we shall see soon enough what you are truly made of. I believe the Holy Spirit resides within you. If that is true, then you are capable of discerning the truth. It is just a matter of time. I am here. Waiting. As I have been this whole time. We’ve missed you this whole time. I went to your state, every visitation I was supposed to get. I asked for you every holiday, every summer, every break for your junior and senior years. I went to court multiple times trying to re-establish communication. Look at the court paperwork, you will see that I had to jump through all these hoops and certain individuals switched lawyers and manipulated the court to draw out the process and make it impossible to ever get my contact with you re-established. And when the stall techniques ran out…suddenly an allegation from when you were like 3? Seriously? I never stopped trying to make your life better, to give you an option. I wrote you hundreds of times, every missed skype. If you don’t know, well now you do.
I am the same man you spent every summer with that we were allowed to have. The man you wanted to spend your final 2 high school years with. The man that you were denied contact with, who you were told was a monster…yet was never a monster in 18 years in your presence. The man you believed in. The man you begged to not make you get out of the car when I returned you. The man who prayed every night that you would be safe until you came back to me. That is the truth. Remember every conversation we ever had. When did I say or do anything but try to help you or make your life better? When did I ever put myself before what was best for you? If you really think hard, and remember what actually happened, you already know those bullets are true. And you know a whole lot more than that.
It’s time to grow up girls. Time to stop letting people tell you who you are, or what’s been done to you. You know what’s been done to you and what hasn’t. And you know who has been selfish and who hasn’t. You are not in a hopeless situation, you are smart and you have people who truly love you and want what is best for you. You only have one life to live. When you’re tired of wasting it on false promises and lies and emotional manipulation, I’ll be here. I love you hoomans. The court files are available for you to look at. You want to know more? Need some blanks filled in? I’d rather do it in person. I love you, I miss you, I can’t wait to see you again. I’m here if you need me, Love, Dad.